Too-Ness - Tami Gray

I’m not going to lie–I’m a lot. It is something that I know about myself. I feel this way because there’s always been someone with an opinion of how I am too much for them. Let’s call it my “too-ness.”

Too quiet, too loud, too fat, too skinny, too opinionated, too wishy-washy, laughed too much, cried too much, not active enough, couldn’t sit still, too unmotivated, tried too hard, too many hobbies, too shy, talked too much, too angry, too soft….

And every single one of those is true. At least at some point–and sometimes all at the same time. I swing from one extreme to the other if I sense I am making people uncomfortable. I internalize, overthink, and overcompensate. Once all of that overwhelms me, I quit. Think of a robot who melts into a state of hunched over stillness once shut off. That’s me. You may find me enjoying myself at a social event one moment, and in an instant, I’m halfway home to my fuzzy blanket. 

I am not just one way and I bet that you are not either. We are multifaceted, multi-passionate, multi-talented people who are only too much to someone who doesn’t get us. 

I admit there are plenty of people in this world that I don’t get. Maybe they are too loud or too peppy for me (just call me Wednesday Adams). It took me far too long to realize other people’s too-ness doesn’t mean I don’t like them or they are wrong. They don’t need to change to be more like me. Their “too-ness” is exactly enough for God and the people they are called to sit with. And that is beautiful! We don’t all have to sit at the same table. 

A few years ago as I was talking to God about the too-ness someone decided I was and how hurt I felt. My heart heard Him say, “You are not too much for me.” 

​Why was that a surprise to me? I should know that the God of the universe who created the heavens and the vastness of the ocean is not overwhelmed by little ‘ol me. I realized then that our too-ness is beautiful in His eyes. Being alike is not how we are intended to be. We were not created for each other, we were created for Him! To glorify Him. To emulate Him. To worship Him. And how could any of that possibly fit into something or someone who was not “too?” Our personalities have to be too big for humans to worship an immense God. Our creativity has to be too much for humans if we want to try everything we can to honor the gifts He gave us. 

Growing up and well into adulthood, being “too” was absolutely no fun. I felt unwanted. I felt like an annoyance. Frankly, I felt like I was too much for myself most of the time. Occasionally, I still struggle with this mindset–but when The King of Kings says you are not too much for Him, the opinions of others quit mattering so much. You smile and say “I know” when they say you are too much for them. 

Influencer Elyse Myers says:  “Go find less. If I am too much, then go find less.” That’s both brilliant and freeing! I think another step would be instead of go find less, go find your “too.”

Quit trying to shrink me and go find where you fit. It is a beautiful place to be.

Go be “too,” and let others be “too,” too.